Tsunami

Tsunami of emotions
crisscrossed this mind
tyhpoon of thoughts entangled
and entwined
between wrong and morally divine
victim of vanities lust enshrined
what catastrophe it bring
that will rip across the flesh of beings
the innocent will fall
young, suffer
the wicked falter
too weak to fight
the temptation that's delight

Conquered

An illusion
beautiful magic that captivate
held me prisoner, hypnotized
mesmerized
my heart terrorized
life juxtaposed
black or white
emotional exposed
what haywire created
so small yet my mind dominated
left me paralyzed
eyes glazed crystallized
breaking all grounds
breaking all rules
remnants of life in smoke
all nature's law .broke
heaven take over hell

a small bodied bombshell
invaded
conquered..a story to tell

Twinkle twinkle little star

how I wonder how far you are

as I stand on earth below

your twinkles set my heart aglow

How I wish I can embrace

and caress your lovely little face

oh twinkle twinkle little star

my heart ache to know you're so far

your twinkling light start to fade

as the dawn of light begin to set

looking forward another night

to catch a glimpse of your twinkling light

 

My friend

It has been awhile my friend

wish you're happy and contend

in the pink of health

in the red of Love

Always smiling hunting life's treasure trove

My wish for you is to stay true

to your belief, faith and virtue

May life always showers you

all the beautiful, all that meaningful

If we happen to meet again

smile at me my lovely sweet friend

for life is short and uncertain

we may not say hello till

the rainbow end..

So Sweet

So sweet is your smile that makes me high

not for awhile

so sweet is your smile that makes living

so worthwhile

so sweet is your smile that the world

so bright and colorful

so sweet is your smile that make me feel

oh life is so wonderful

 though just a fleeting moment

and you disappear

so sweet your smile, wipes away

my fears

longing for the time we will meet

to see

to feel

your smile so sweet

In the pouring rain..

water trails..

as it wets the glass of the window pane

pitch dark

no star on sight

cold..

what a lonely night

Tossing and turning my mind

emotion

to forget

to lose sight

how can it be wrong..

when it feels so right

now it become my wish upon a star

far and bright.

yet on this cold lonely night.

you're out of sight...

Just the rain blowing on my face

evening shadows giving me a cold embrace

wish I could hold you for a million years

and help me ease all my fears

yet.. now its all wish

as I toss and tumble

to forget

to lose

emotion

on this pitch dark

wet.. cold and lonely night

I wish..

to forget you..

will I ?

A forbidden tree grow in this barren land, the earth cracked and dried from the heat of the sun. Hot wind blows, burning every twigs and trees yet forbidden tree grew stronger and majestically. Bearing fruits that tempts every thoughts,oh forbidden tree you are the envy of others, where none can breathe you thrive beautifully. Where none can stand you grew gracefully.. forbidden tree why did you grew when the land is barren cracked and dried..? why do you appear when the sun is setting on this land of mine.. Now I can only see you from afar and adore, for nearing touching and being with you is forbidden o forbidden one I adore...

Bit by bit..

As the rain patters on the tin roof, cold wind brushes through, feeling of emptiness surround me, bit by bit pieces of memory of you fading away, like the trickling water on my window pane.It subsides as it touch the end and new trickles forms,flow and ends. Where are you in this cold rainy night,whats on your mind and if ever at all, have the thought of me passes through and lingers with you..bit by bit.. I'm losing you, bit by bit you are fading over the horizon...bit by bit

Finally, a new beginning of an old story will start. This old vessel will set to sail again.

Life

It has been few months now since my last post and everything are the same except my hairs
are thinning with silver streaks everywhere, muscles are less..hahaha..one can't stop the aging clock..tick tock..tick tocks.. approaching half a century fast and furious..looking back the 40 years or so.. where have I been in life..hmmm disappointed yes...but no regrets..I took life as it was and still will take it as it come. No my life is far from the life I dream of to be, no big house, no big bikes,no millions in my account, no holidays, no bling blings..but I'm truly thankful for what I have..the less the more I appreciate what I have..though that does not stop me from wanting better things :-) ..So bring on the half century..I meet you there when I reach that mileage.. Cheers and blessed days ahead of us..

Lets begin

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step- Lao Tzu. A profound quote indeed. In life we begin everything with the 1st action, 1st step we take. Like climbing Mt. Kinabalu, Sabah's pride and leading tourist destination, we need to plan as early as possible to secure accommodation at the base of the park and at 11,000 ft. A plan the climb will go down to multiple arrangements needed to be done from air tickets, airlines, transportation s  hotels, etc etc. and sometimes we still can't secure accommodation at the Park due high demand on certain time of the year, especially school holidays. But what really matter is we take the initiative to take the 1st step to climb mount Kinabalu.  Climb, exercising, dieting, looking for work, saving, investing, learning, loving, looking for partner, etc etc.. whatever it is without the 1st step taken it will only be a wishful thinking. Many times in my life I wish for things or trips and failed to achieve or get it,why I did not start. I did not take the very 1st step or action towards my wishes. So begin, begin the journey that you have been thinking to take, make the 1st step, small big or leap of faith, just start. For if we do not start we will not know whether we get to the destination we choose to. Along the way don't forget to enjoy the journey, every journey is an experience that we can learn to, an experience that will be unique to its own mold. Start today, for " Yesterday is gone,Tomorrow has yet to come.We have have only today. Let us begin,- Mother Theresa

Saying goodbye is the hardest thing we have to face especially when we know we will not meet again in this life. Hardest will be when saying your farewell to love one. My step father Edmundo Robles passed away on the 22nd January 2013. He was 72 years old. He was admitted to the hospital on 18th January due to difficulty breathing which ends up with hospital staff have to do CPR on for 15 minutes before reviving him to a state where he was hooked on multiple machines for medications and respiratory assistance. Yet on the 22nd January mid day his heart stopped. It was a sad time of the year for us. Since starting this blog we have bade farewell to our brother Eric Joe on the 28th September 2009, my grandmother February 26th 2011, my cousin Boyet@ Loreto Bucaneg Jr August 2012, and now my stepfather 22nd January 2013. Life will not be the same without them and every moments with them will lingers on with each and everyone of us. Though I'm not truly close to my late step father as most of my growing up years I stayed out of home, I do have fond memories with him. I always look up on him as he was a great boxer during his prime time, according to my nanay he beaten a big Indian guy in a match even though he was sick. He worked as a taxi driver, truck driver, tanker driver,bus driver and eventually as a tourist coach driver. He drives for living. He drove us to places for picnics when we were still  small, I place I can recall was Sungai Dewata ( don't know if that's the correct name) in Lahad Datu or Kunak area.. I always get motion sickness riding the taxi he drove but always happy on reaching the destination. He is certainly a big man and good looking with his mustache. I always wanted to grow mustache, unfortunately I'm just one hairless guy..he once told me to scrap the pencil lead and use it to color my unshaven, uneven, few strands of mustache.. hahaha. He said that will make it darker..maybe he was pulling my leg..but I did just that..I given up since. He a silent strong type and hard working, known as "Manong" or elder brother in the tourism industry, well respected and liked until he retired due to health problem. He was there when I got married, he was my father and will always be. On his last few days, I can't muster the courage to ask for forgiveness from him, I finally did in my heart, " Pa, patawarin mo ako sa lahat ng masama ginawa ko sa yo at sa lahat ng hindi ko ginawa para sa yo". I bade farewell to Papa, and one fine day when my day is over on this earth I shall see you again, together with Eric,Boyet, Mamang, Papang, Erwin, Tatay and all the rest.. Rest in Peace.

Wow, it has been ages since my last post on this blog. Its 2013 already!! Happy New year. May this year bring us Joy, Love, Health, & Wealth. Remember my last write up was about life and the uncertainty we face daily, well believe it or not, after a long silence, life is still full of uncertainty ha ha ha. If you expect to know everything before it happens , you're in for a surprise. Yes life is full of surprises, like it or not. Some for good and some not so good. And yet for me I take it as it come, one day at a time, like the saying , if life gives you lemon, make lemonade..just make sure you add enough sugar..We dictates how life treats us, our attitudes toward it, or reaction in every situation. We encourage or discourage based on what or how we project ourselves. What we project can make us victim or respected, loser or winner. How we speak can give encouragement, so speak wisely, confidently and truthfully.So whatever 2013 brings, I say bring on! I'll face you anytime, anywhere, uphill or downhill, sideways or no ways..I'll fall time and time again and I shall rise and rise again, I shall stand tall and will be proud for every effort, blood, sweats and tears are my will to push and reach that finish line. Until then live life to the fullest, someone special says once said, life is short and go ahead, just do it! 

Que Sera Sera

I was waiting for my lunch to arrive in a mamak coffee shop, staring out on the street, looking at the lunch hour rush, somehow it dawns on me that I was totally "blank' as if staring into abyss. I snapped out of my blank thoughts and start thinking of the future of me and my family. I feel like a captain steering my ship in uncharted territory, where no land at sight, only the flat horizon of the vast ocean. Yet I knew we are heading somewhere, what is dangerous is I don't know where. My family depends on me on this voyage, we are a team and I'm the leader who are totally clueless of our destination. Out in front I can't see any land, though the sky is clear, I know storms are waiting to hit anytime, waves will rock our tiny ship, and at times it will last for days. On stormy night, it will be pitch black, darkness will surround our ship, waves will overflow unto the ship, creaking boards, swaying lamps, seasickness will dampen our spirit. At time giving up was the only option, I just raise my hands to nature and just as I about to accept defeat,the storm will subside and twinkling shining stars becomes inspiration for me to carry on, a beacon of hope in time of desperation. I can't give up, I can't raise my hands up, not now, not until its over. Looking at my beautiful wife, two beautiful children, how can I give up , how can I destroy their hope and dreams, NO, I won't give up no matter how high the tidal waves will hit our ship, no matter how dark it will be, how cold, how wet, how hungry, how desperate, how discouraging, how hopeless, I WILL NOT GIVE UP, with GOD's help and blessing I will steer our ship to a place where we can recoup, reenergise, reorganize  strategise until our next voyage. The Somewhere becomes clearer, the path becomes obvious, the commitment will grow stronger. Life is a series of voyages that I will go through until I rest at the Shore where Almighty God our Father awaits me. I WILL UNTIL.

Vintage Architecture

Recently I took my family for a day trip to Klias wetland for a FAM trip on a trawler converted river cruise boat. On the way we stopped at Membakut old town. Two old town shop buildings still stands amidst growing modern shops. It must have been grand during its hey bygone days, going through the old wooden shops, kopi tiams and bicycle shops. Can you imagine of what it was like then? It reminds me of what 20 cents can buy you that time. Going to school with 20 cents was something I look forward to, it can buy me a packet of " Nasi Kuning" and a syrup drink. Yes those were the days. I took some photos of these old buildings and was thinking, what do you do with these buildings? restore or destroy it? Close to these two old block stands another old wooden shop houses beside it a recent burnt down block. Soon these old wooden buildings will be replace and what we have is just memories of it. So before it long gone, here are some photos of these Vintage Architecture.

19th April 2011

A day that will not be forgotten in our life for as long as we shall live. A day where we felt so helpless and drained, a day that we felt losing. My day start as usual woke up at 5.50am to boil water for my son to prepare him for school. At 6 am, I went to Norman's room only to find him not there, I thought he was in the toilet, but also not there, checked with Nikki, he was not there. Ran over to my inlaws house also was not there. A dreadful feeling shook me, he is missing. He left us or somebody took him away. My wife woke up to her disbelief and starting to break up but I consoled her to be strong. Checked his room, his school bag,headlamp and wallet was not there. His shoes was all in the shoe's rack, what?! he got no shoes or slippers on?? I drove to the tamu ground to look,none, to his school which is only about 5 minutes drive away, school children was just arriving, it was 6.30am, went to his classroom and asked Max if he've seen Norman, negative. Drove around Donggongon town, looking at every vehicle tha passed by, every bus that stationed at the bus station, nil. I was growing anxious, praying and aching to think of his well being. All thoughts came to my mind. God please protect my boy, bring him back safely to us. every few minutes my wife will check on me, I worry about my son and my wife's condition. God, please help us. Went back to the tamu ground and met my father in law as he was just coming down from the church after the morning mass, he knew it because somebody from the house called him already. He went back to house to search the sorrounding area, I head towards the Police Station to check and report enroute I stopped to ask Jenny if his son got any project with Norman in the school, she said none because its Test week, told her that Norman is missing and staright away left for the station. After spending few minutes, headed back home and check the room again before heading to the mountain range with my wife. a long emotional drive for both of us, even stopped at one point as we were approaching a boy limping same age and built as Norman but it was not him. drove well pass Babagon uphill, and we decided to head back to his school, at the school I briefly spoke his class teacher and spoke to one of his close friend Aaron, he relate to us that Norman has been talking about going out for camping theday before but has not mention a specific place. Reaching home, relatives start pouring in, search parties combing the area, the riverside and sorrounding bushes. My sister Jocelyn and brother in law was there too. Spoke to them about of what the friend told me at school and Nikki also told my wife of what Norman asked her about camping at Kinabalu park, camping? passed his passport size photo to my sister and my wife's cousin to asssit on the search. Atos came and we head up the hill in front of our house, followed by my wife and Jenny's husband. After combing the area we went down to the house, more people start coming. We left the house to search the Sarapung and Kolopis area, now it already 3 hours passed and we starting to feel so emotionally aching. but we pushed on, drove out the area, nothing and headed towards kibabaig by pass to Minintod, we head over the hill to bukit padang, down and decided to go through bundusan. I feel my wife's anguish, so helpless, thoughts of what he was going through, the fear and uncertainty he was going through.. almost 5 hours has passed by, where are you was all can utter.. where are you, Lord please help us. Jenny called saying that a van driver seen a boy around 3-4am passes by our neighbours house with red shorts or red t-shirt, the details of what the boy wore was not clear, he was heading towards donggongon. But the night before Norman was wearing a yellow t- shirts with blue and red sleeves and New Balance wording, so we said it might not be him but it could be him too.. from Bundusan we headed back towards donggongon via kDCA road. A few minutes before Yue Min, my sister Jocelyn called and spoke to my wife, she found him walking limping from Millenium going to donggongon direction, my wife and I wept painfully and joyfully, thanking God for his grace. My wife spoke to Norman emtionally but tenderly. We felt of losing him for 5 hours or so, that 5 hours was so painful for us all, was so draining, it was as if the end and no words can really describe of our feelings. And with God's grace and the prayers the people pour our to our God Almighty, our beloved Son Norman Enrique Bugay is safe with us with just a blister on his feet. He was clueless himself of what had happened and why he was there. What matter to us now, he is safe God delivered him back to us, God answered our prayers.. Thank you Lord , Thank you.

Good morning yesterday

Monday blues, I'm still in sunday lazy mode. Drowsy of too much bejewel on FB. Watched a DVD movie yesterday evening, " The Way of the Warrior" Nice , love the settings, so much like 3D video games. Been lately thinking about my life, my birthday is just round the corner, to be exact it will be Saturday next week, not that I celebrate my birthday, just that after 40 over years, looking back at what I been through, it brought smile, joy and tears and no regrets, of course I wish I would have done better but so what, I take life as it comes. Love my family, my wife and our 2 fast growing beautiful kids. Been thinking of my late grandmother because her birthday falls a day earlier than mine, normally I would call or text her to wish her happy birthday, well gonna miss her this year. It is always like that when somebody is not around you, you start thinking or looking for them and what more now she is gone. Well life goes on, Happy Birthday mang , in advance.

Cheers!

Cityscape

I love cityscapes, these photos taken recently during our participation in Kuala lumpur Matta Fair. Taken from Legend Hotel.

Monday Blues

Woke up this morning feeling a bit down, feels like the flu bug had bitten me, hope not. Have to be up and positive, so many things had to be done, some many plans, so many that I want to do. I was stucked in the morning jam for nearly an hour today, normally I'll be in a jam for 30 minutes the most but today it was extra time. I have to keep calm as normally I get easily annoyed especially with drivers who jump queues and I was calm all the way. As usual my normal routine will be open the office, sit a few minutes and head for the some photo shoot. My shooting ground covers the seafront of Wisma Merdeka up to the wet market. Today though it was just the front of Merdeka. A short shooting today as the sun was hot and the sea front was a bit quiet. Some shoots for my seafront album though.

February

Roberta Dinola

29th April 1925-26th February 2011

Have not been able to update this blog due to work and laziness like Jules Bernard " Laziness is nothing more than habit of resting before you get tired" well I was tired after all the travelling and life's event that happened in February and creeped into March, and we are at the end of March, finally I managed to summon my strength to open this blog and starting "pecking" through the board pouring out my thoughts before I start resting again :).

After Manila, on the 26th February 2011, at around 4.30pm our beloved Grand mother"mamang" passed away at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital, leaving behind 14 children ( 12 in Sabah and 2 in the Philippines) more than 100 grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren. No other time than this we had most of the families near and far came to be together to grieve her passing. Uncles and aunties, inlaws and outlaws,cousins, known and unknown,everybody was there. She was laid to rest at the mile 4 Catholic Cemetry , Penampang on a rainy day on the 1st March after an emotional mass by Rev.Father Felix Chung at the Sacred Heart Cathderal. As we bade our farewell to "Mamang" with the song Amazing Grace sung in our heart, with every tears that felled, our prayers goes along with her soul on her final journey to meet our heavenly Father. Rest in Peace Mang, we shall all meet again one fine day.